My mind just loves to fuck with me...

I have been at my job over 2 yrs now and it is not necessarily what I want to do but is within my field of study. My life has become quite routine as it often does for most, but more and more I feel as if I'm wasting time. On friday I was told over and over by the same person who told me when I first started here that I am too smart to be a para and that I should go to law school. It feels good to hear it but I just don't see myself practicing. From time to time I feel as if I'm not exercising my mind for this job doesn't challenge me anymore. I am not considering leaving my field of study completely, to do what I have no idea. Today I'll be her and who knows how much longer? I need a change of venue, I need to spark this life which thrills me not up and I need to set a deadline on my wait for jobs I have applied to get back to me.
Until then I'm pushing it.
~Kira

Everything is everything and happens for a reason...

Wow I like have nothing to say now...

Nah I can probably rant a little.

I just took a shower to wash away the dirt from my skin and my mind just starts to flow like the water flows, but now that I sit to write its like a constant "struggle" a "fight"

Here we go...

So as I stood there naked in the shower because that's the way it goes I wash my arms and not to forget my toes.

This is how it always goes, I start to think and I talk to myself.

Crazy yes please for appetizers, main course and desert.

I talk to myself for I believe no one can really listen no one will understand but yet there are many who probably do. The blogging started off hard but has been reassured.

Last week I was in a rut and blogged about it and felt better, the words just flowed.

I know im all over the place but that is the confusions place.

Here we go again...

So I feel as if my life is here but not all there who is it that I fear...Myself screams out who the fuck cares?

I can't remember a thought from the shower yet it flowed so well, maybe I should blog in the shower.

...All over I tell you im all over the place

Welcome to my mind its just crazy how it works or lack there of use. I may be smart but far from book smarts. I refuse to exercise my mind to make it mine. Whose is it? Me says "in dew time" :) look I can rhyme.

Ok ok ok...

So I went out tonight after bumping into my ADA on Wednesday. I was told to come out for her b-day celebration and I had no plans, also I had not tried bubble tea. <--Highly recommended by me.

So today or really yesterday I decide to go and I am introduced to two new things and a whole brain full of inspiration. It was with me in the shower but now it needs to be analyzed. I need to stop waiting to blog for I lose my thoughts in the water.

I thank Ellen for her motherly yet not motherlike speech to me. I also want to thank her friend that I met, im horrible with names.

This shall be continued and put into a form of writing to be understood.

~5 days
This week has been a week of pensiveness yet not one thought stood out for me to focus on. Feeling blah all week yet masking it for myself because there was no depression involved nor stress, so it was just blah. I think I need a vacation from my self conscious and a body out reach from the world. My bills although unappealing bother me not but for what ever reason I float without purpose this week. My mind refuses to drift but remains a float, I cannot drown my life preserver, which I'm sure I did not grab is wrapped tightly around my neck. I remain alive but in an ocean of thoughts not able to purify this salt water. I refuse to tread water and I do not look to be saved but eventually my waves shall carry me to shore so I can walk again. I love walking on the rocks and pieces of wood which try to puncture my feet but my feet are tough for I wear no shoes and barefoot is how I stand.
~kira

The morning me hates the night self for the morning me must wake up and go to work while the night self gets to relax. They never are to one another for they know they must coexist together, but there is an under lining contempt. Without the night self the morning me wouldn't have anything to do because the night self is where the brain is most knowledgeable. Although the morning me can make rational decisions and coincide with people he lacks the ability to contain the pensive nature of night self. They understand one another and rarely get that chance to work together but they do complement each other, for without one the other would perish.

Why am I on this planet surrounded by these aliens called humans? Why was I placed her on this earth? My research is in vain, for I must have lost my criteria. I cannot understand what it is that these humans mean or do. Send me my lesson plan so that I may continue on my research or send me my rescue team so I may return to a home which means more to me.