WOW I guess im making up for all the missed blogs although im not a blogger. My Jets are unbelievably a heart attack waiting to happen. Holy Shit they just make everything so difficult. Why is it that I remain a Jets fan? I know I like underdogs but damn my jets take the cake. This is probably the hardest thing for me to swallow on Sundays becaust the alcohol consumsion doesnt bother me at all. To top of the Jets and their fuckery, my alcohol spilt on my bed. :( that just sux cuz its a waste of alcohol. As my mother has always said "don't cry over spilt milk" Although as a child I chose not to listen, I sure retained a lot of my teachings. lol goes to show you can be a deviant and turn out right. Fucking JETS...I don't even know anymore. Im rambling on and im done for now.

Here watching my Jets make it a little harder for them to find their way into the playoffs. Unfortunately, although the Jets find ways to make me cringe and curse, I have my mind wondering all over the place about all sorts of stuff. Trying to figure out some things and just don't have anyway of doing so. The lack of confidence in others to be able to help due to differences in views leaves me with myself, talking to myself. Call it crazy if you want but I'm the only one that can understand but yet give myself some sort of contrast to the ways of thought that occurs in my head. I am not upset, depressed or at all frustrated. So what's the point of this blog? Eh I dunno. I have recently opened up my snow boarding season and am ecstatic. :D

Testing mobile blog

New Toy

I have a new toy coming my way either this week or next but definitely soon. My new toy is much overdue since I have wanted something to occupy my need for gadgets. This will help me to stay content for a while till I have the urge again. Really excited now and I saved a bunch of money. I enter as a newb into the crackberry crew. :P

#!Kira*&

"Reality continues to ruin my life" C&H

No ones there

My life has been filled with people...Yet I was always alone. I lack the human feeling of loneliness, it just wont make sense to me. I enjoy being to myself yet I can be surrounded and be the life of a party. I have a feeling that I am becoming less and less humane than I already think I am not. Why does my mind work the way it works? Am I being ridiculous by thinking there shouldn't be so many feelings? or any? I have feelings, right? I know I do. I care genuinely for those I know are real, but then why am I so easy to push people away and not look back at the drop of a dime? I don't look to eliminate associates, but im just too old for the bullshit. If I make someones life hard, uneasy, or anywhichway negative, why not open their eyes and show them the best solution? I have evolved into something that I cannot say im proud of but something a little more "real". Real in terms of dealing with situations but dead in every other way. I think I should just become a Vampire. I mean seriously my emotions are not quite there, I love the nite and darkness and I feel dead. Why not?

~Kira

Under______

The complexity of my mind confuses me in ways that I just can't understand. Many times and times again I have tried to figure out what it is that creates this evil and I can come up with no answer. Still trying to figure out what sets me apart from your typical serial killer. Is it my lack of killing? Our minds seem to fit the same criteria. This trip to search for the answer cannot come any sooner. Money and Time only stand in my way. Snowboarding season cannot come any quicker. I need my out.

~Kira

So I think...

No work for me today the doc just seemed a little more important...I hate being sick.

So anyways~~~

As I sat in the doc office waiting to be seen, I started to think as I often do.

My thoughts wonder upon something which I just can't seem to figure out, which is WHAT NOW?

WHAT NOW?

That is the question I fall upon when I have nothing to occupy my attention.

That is the question that makes me feel as if I have done nothing with my life.

That is the question which makes me feel incomplete.

This fucking question cannot be answered by me.

I have tried and tried and tried again, but nothing.

A quarter of a century has gone by and nothing really to show for it.

Yea I have my "DEGREE" <--What does that mean?

I have a "JOB" aka 9-5 <--To pay bills?

Ok! Ok! NOW WHAT?

Enjoy my job? Yes, but what is this above my head a Ceiling? Roof? Barricade? Dead End?

The search for something else to do turns up hiring freezes everywhere.

Is there a purpose to this life?

Constantly confused as a child by the question. "What do you want to do when you grow up?"

LOL I still have no fucking clue, but wait...When do I grow up?

Oh how I wish I knew what it was that I wanted to do when I was 5, 7, 10, 13, 15, 16, 18, 20, and 21.

I should have really thought about it, but I was assured "Your still young you have time".

Am I worried?

For what?

I worry not of things I cannot figure out I just allow my ignorance to become knowledge with
time as I strive for the answers of questions that confuse me.

Then again its not {what} you know, its {who} you know and unfortunately I don't know the
right people.

So I think...

Here goes nothing

I can't believe that I am actually blogging. This is something I thought I would never do and it will be interesting to see if I keep up with it. I guess my reasoning for starting a blog is to get some thoughts out. I have no idea how deep I shall go but who knows what my fingers will allow.

~Kira