...

I am so confused right now...

Labeling this year operation get the fuck out of here has put me in a situation of confusion since I can't figure out what it is I want to do anymore. I thought I had an Idea but sitting around and waiting just doesn't seem to make sense... I want to become knowledgeable of something new, but what?

I can't seem to put my feet down, It's like I'm an inch from the ground and I just can't touch down.... I just float an inch away stretching my toes to find a place to stand but I am limited in reach.

I have no idea what I want to do anymore and just picking up and leaving may not be a bad idea but its not really a good idea... I know I will bounce back from what ever I put myself in but there is this uncertainty (Fear if I may) that holds me in this routine. "Everyone is a slave to routine" C&H

How do I begin? I have tried talking to people but I can take no teaching from those who have it all figured out (Or think they do), The only people I relate to are those in the same need of answers as myself.

I am vulnerable at the moment...

It's weird to see me even able to say something like that but it flows from my finger tips so smoothly, it has to be true. There is a fear here, a fear that keeps me here, a fear that makes me aware of all the bad things in which I don't really care, but I guess I kinda do...

Something has to change...

I need some time but I don't want to use up too much, for too much means too late and too late will be a Failure. I want something more from life and I'm struggling to find what that something is but eventually I hope I will.

~kira

Positivity has definitely found a small spot within my inner core but confidence continues to slip away...

Constantly trying to find a place to stand, somewhere to call home.

It's hard to explain the thoughts that drown my mind and even harder to pull out the stopper which fills the bath...

The challenge in this dilemma I face is not really having someone to voice my thoughts with, I just don't feel as if I am close enough to anyone to explain the feelings within.

Never being one to wear his heart on his sleeve I believe I have somehow misplaced it...

I don't know if I even want it back but my inner sociopath will become my psychopath.

~Kira

There is a strain on myself which is myself...

This strain has a both a negative and a positive hold on me, it is my yin and my yang...

Trying to fight against it is like a never ending tug-a-war...

Although there seems to be a balance something always seems to out weigh the other...

My yin and yang don't seem to make up a circle but a shape that is unrecognizable as is my personality...

I welcome a challenge and yet I now take very few, I fear very little but the few I have hold me back from doing what I should, I am thick skinned but very weak in many other ways, I know so much but ignorance flows through my words...

Where is my center ground? How do I get my feet back down? Gravity continues to lift me into a dream, a dream Id just rather not have for it doesn't allow me to see clearly.

Knowing what I want and not being able to obtain is failure...

When will my rubber band pop? Will straining this tension band until it finally gives make me free?

All these questions can be answered with the first step taken, then a follow through of a swing, a break away at whats ahead and landing with both feet on the ground.

First I need to come back down off of the gravity less cloud I sit... My legs still work or at least I think they do and all I need is to wiggle that big toe...

Talk is going to be very cheap with a goal set...

~ Kira