So here we are again...

I like that my blog is titled confusion, it's quite funny... It's been a while since I have decided to write and frankly my writing has declined without the practice. I will make this one short since I am feeling an illness coming on and I don't want to push it with my trip to Vietnam just around the corner.

So here we are again, eh?

I find it really hard to figure myself out and I guess talking to another would lead to some sort of answers but I would rather figure things out on my own. I should make an honest effort to write a bit more and I think I might if I hook this thing up to my phone.  I also need to get started on becoming a bit more creative whether it be writing, video editing or web design, all of which are possible but my laziness or lack of motivation are just annoying.

Anyways no long talking tonight I just wanted to get this in motion again so that I can continue it.

-Kira

Here I am and there you go

Here I am... There you go... 

Making it is only just presenting the self in an environment that changes perspective or does it? Finding myself gaining success in something I wanted to do leaves me with the self of confusion again. Happiness in present location is a no brain-er but am I losing myself? Many people have I met but isolated I make it to be with self. Often wondering "why" but with no real explanation for it, enjoying my own company is one thing but enjoying it as much as I am may be a little too much. Is it necessary to continue being a loner? I think it is but there is no reason not to keep myself out in the open and around others to share moments. Resigning for another year is a great thing because there is nothing back in the previous location for me. I want to continue this journey I am on to figure out where it will land me and see who I will meet but is just merely meeting people good enough without making any lasting impressions or friendships? I am OK! with it but maybe I could change it up, I meet many people in passing and leaving a great first impression but never really staying in contact with those I have previously encountered. Why is this? Why is it that my follow up is so poor? 

This is something I have asked myself many times over but I just can't figure it out. I shall go into a pensive state on the subject matter...

Where to next?

I have now taken the leap I have contemplated for so long, I now live in Korea. This is just the beginning and now with the first steps taken the others should follow with no hesitation. It's not a matter of when because the when is now and the tomorrow is still non-existent but I still question myself as to where this can go.

As of right now I see myself staying here for 2 years and then moving on to something else... I have sort of determined where I want to go which kinda puts in an idea of a plan which I rather not have, I like to think of it as an idea and not a plan because who is to tell where tomorrow will take me? All I know is I don't want to go backwards.

After travelling to the Philippines I realize that I really want to do something along the line of starting up a business (Bar, Guest house, Dive shop or just something along those lines). I have never had so many signs pointing to it being a good idea as the ones I received while in the Philippines. So many inspiring people were met and things just made sense to me and now to execute I shall take time and figure that part out.

"It is possible" -Bilbo from the Reggae Guest House said and kept saying it.

"It is possible" to have a dream (Idea) and make it a reality.

"It is possible" to be happy with less.

"It is possible" to motivate myself to do the things I have always wanted to do.

"It is possible" if you want it to be possible.

Now what do I do? First things first I need to rip myself apart once again to mold myself into something a bit better.

Still not happy with who I am in small ways that I seem as big, maybe its human to have the things I have about me that bother me and if that be I don't want to be human in that way.

I just read Nomadic Matts site again and his posting touched upon friendships and just having a place to call home. Well I like to think of this as my home the present and yes I will need to settle somewhere soon but now is not the time to do that.

The reason I mention the friends thing is due to the fact that I don't really develop these close ties with others, everything remains surface no matter how much I give or take. I don't know if wanting more is a bad thing or if it is just foolish.

Am I lonely? Not in the slightest but there is something missing as far as a bond goes with friends.