Its late and I'm up...

What's new huh?

nothing is different tonite than any other night of being up but inspired to blog yet again. I find myself watching Anthony Bourdain...

No, not another travel blog...

I am pensive about a lot but I feel as if I have no words to describe my thoughts tonite, yet I blog about nothing.

There is definitely something missing in my life and yet pin pointing it has become harder and harder as the days fly by...

There are just so many things it could be but I feel ignorant to much and also myself. Where is it?

I asked myself tonite if I was ever truly happy and I responded with, No...

Now I'm contemplating whether this may actually be true... As much as I would like to spend time dwelling on the question as well as the answer; I'd only be able to do it tonite which I won't, for I must sleep and tomorrow I will have forgotten or let pass...

Confusion continues...

I was asked today "how do u stay drama free?"

I responded along the lines of not allowing things to bother me and assessing the situation and putting myself at fault.

Drama is allowed by the person who is experiencing it... I tend to stay away from drama and I don't require it in my life so I push it away. Drama goes hand and hand with Stress although the two are not the same in my eyes. Drama isn't my inspiration for blogging right now though so I am moving on...

Today I was doing what I quite often find myself doing as of late, reading travel blogs. I realized I haven't even attempted to blog about my South America trip which was so incredible. At first I didn't do it because I said I needed to gather my thoughts and then I totally just put it off. Now I am at the point where I don't know if it will have the same effect if put into writing, which really sucks but I will definitely do it this weekend.

I no longer think I will blog about my longing to get away because it just seems like words, not that I wont do it but I can't do it until my financial situation allows it. I think what I will do tonight is calculate how long it will take me to pay off my bills so I can purchase my ticket. Today my favorite posting was of Nomadic Matt on his "Why Americans Still don't Travel" It was such a great read. He touched upon it in an approach I probably wouldn't have taken exactly but did it in a way I never thought to do it. Great read and deserves a once over also the comments left are pretty good.

Motivation is key and I have made the first step in motivating myself for something a little more and I hope to continue... I want to consistently blog rather than just having thoughts in my head and letting them float away.

I was considering allowing 0ne or two people on my trip to South East Asia but after a recent encounter with a new human, I realized I have to do it alone. Not because I don't want company but I need to do it for myself. Lets see if I have as much heart as I bark out there.

Post made in reply to Nomadic Matt...

http://www.nomadicmatt.com/travel-blogs/why-americans-still-dont-travel-overseas/

What a well written article... I really enjoyed the read. I agree with you 100% you have no idea how many people get into arguments with me about the same subject matter. I for one have not traveled nearly as much as you but I'm definetly going to get there. This year alone I have been to 6 countries (Domincan Republic, Enlgand, Irelan, Peru, Argentina and Brazil). If people were less concerned with the idea of money and just more open minded about what's in the world they would see that there isn't a price tag that can be put on the experiences had on these trips. Another thing that one does to limit their experience is the (All Inclusive) way of traveling which really isn't traveling its a vacation that isn't really worth the $$$.

I am far from a history buff and never really enjoyed the subject being taught in school, but upon touching down in an unfamiliar place with the limited knowledge gained from google; I gain a history lesson like no book could ever give. To hear someone talk about their country with the love and passion means so much more than you can ever get from anything in pictures. Seriously, how does one really describe a place like Machu Picchu to another who has never been there? You simply can't put an actual mind blowing experience in words.

I love how you touched upon "If you want a beach, go to Florida.” This is something I have a lot of debates with because I think Florida is completely overrated being from the Caribbean. I refuse to even step one foot in a beach here in the US. I have been pampered with amazing beaches to settle for less and I know when I hit Thailand that I will be blown away even further.
I only wish I could travel more and till this day refuse to take a vacation day unless im heading on a flight somewhere...
All in all great post Thank You.

Why do I continue to read all these travel blog sites?

This is probably more me than I want to even believe myself... There is something out there that is lacking by me staying here. It feels as if there is no future for me here, I can't see anything worth staying for. I have no career, girl, kids or family... why is it that I just stay then? Fear?

Maybe fear is the most logical reasoning behind my decision no to just pick up and go, but there is also one other thing, Money. How does one just pick up to leave without having any money to do so? I know I could rough it but for how long? Making it my duty to find ways to make money when on the travel I have contacted a friend who has skills in which I would like to learn. Learning these skills link directly to travel blogging and also giving me something else to work with in life...

Do I want to leave forever?

I doubt I want to leave forever but I do want to leave for an extended period of time. This could definitely effect me in a negative way but it can also lead to something so much bigger and everyone makes mistakes right? So here is a "mistake" I would like to make to see if it was all for the best or for the worst. Frankly I just want to change atmospheres, learn something from myself and maybe just growing into myself.

What ever the reason may be I just don't feel as if I should remain within the environment I am currently apart of... I want more and who can tell if that more is out there? The answer is No one but myself and I want to find out.

I need myself to let me free from my captivities in which I hold myself... The strongest hold one can have on themselves from doing what it is they want to do is themselves and I plan to break that hold... I only hope I am strong enough to do so :/