Time continues to tick away at me and I have no idea what I am doing...

I know what I want to do but since one door has closed I seem to be standing there with a door in my face instead of knocking it down or choosing a new one.

Confused at the situation im in right now, I choose to do nothing and this upsets me the most...

I have been thrown a bone as to what I need to do in order to get something I want but I have yet to nibble, What the fuck am I doing?

Have I given up?

I really don't know but it does feel as if I have given up.

Motivation doesn't seem to exist with me and so I blog yet again... Needing motivation I turn to my blog to push me out on that ledge.

What has happened to me?

I only wish I knew the answer to this question, my mind has been going in so many directions lately and I have no clue as to what I am to do or do I?

The only thing I can do is to go back on my word and look forward to something I know that I will enjoy, Snowboarding.

Snowboarding has been my out for the last few years, it has allowed me the ability of escape.

I have just completed one of the most amazing weekends of my life in a long time but it also leaves me pensive.

Maybe I do want "more" this more is something I will not blog about but I shall think about, who knows what will come of me?

I only hope that what ever choice I have to make, I make it sooner than later I need to do something. I am slowly dying inside and there is no one I can turn to... Constantly I think of taking another trip out of this country that seems to hold me in its evil grasps but fuck the noise I have to escape.

Recently I have re-established communication with a friend of mine and it has been great conversing with her but she offers very little towards my confusion... I do require her company though even if it isn't physical, the physical will come soon with someone else but until then she is my social escape that I require at the moment.

I need something more though and I want it now...

~Kira